Okay, Stopped Reading…

Three Generations, No Imbeciles, Lombardo.  I just couldn’t continue, I think because my attention span is very short right now.  Lots going on.

However, I did read 2 other books this week, and started another.

What It Is by Sarah Burleton.  Quick read, a memoir by someone who was abused horribly by her mother.

Return From Tomorrow by George Ritchie w/ Elizabeth Sherrill.  It is Ritchie’s account of his after life experience when he was at boot camp in training WWII.  It is quite fascinating.  I believe his co-author, Sherrill, originally wrote about George Ritchie in Guideposts magazine.  They state in the book that Ritchie’s story was the inspiration for Raymond Moody’s research into after life experiences.  I found the book very inspirational.  Ritchie is a Christian, and believes the name of God is Jesus, based on his experience.

I am now reading a very entertaining book about the marijuana trade in the 70′s & early 80′s.  It is called  Jackpot, High Times, High Seas, and the Sting That Launched the War on Drugs by Jason Ryan.  It is very interesting, I love historical books that recount events that didn’t happen very long ago.  I’m also dying to see if I recognize any of the characters, because in the late 80′s or early 90′s a fugitive smuggler who was a pilot was captured in Richmond, and, sadly, broke the heart of a girl he was seeing, who I knew.  Small world, no?

Plus, my sister, Betsy, is visiting from IN, I left a job under duress 2 weeks ago, starting a new job next week, closing on a house next week, youngest going to FL on a chorus trip next week, and moving the following week.  I guess that’s about it!

Sunday Evening

So Venus & Jupiter are going their separate ways.  It was nice watching them over the past few months coming closer together.  I love it when I can see Venus in the early evening.

My son participated in a marathon dance this weekend.  His high school does it every year.  They have some costume competitions and he and his buddy dressed up as Conan & Andy. (My son is Conan.)

It was a good weekend, although I’m feeling a bit of Sunday blues now.  It will pass.

 

Here’s a pic of Hunter

My nephew, who started middle school this week!  He was about 2 years old here.  Isn’t he adorable?

HTW

1944 Atlantic Storm

I was reading about this storm earlier this week, and realized my Dad was living in Manteo, NC during this time.  He was 9 years old.  Today I asked him what he remembered about it.  I’m going to talk to him more, but wanted to get the things he told me down.  He remembered going down to Aunt Cada’s store (Tarkington’s) downtown with his Daddy, his 2 uncles Frank, and his cousins Jack and Jerry who were around the same age.  He remembered walking through water that appeared very deep to him both outside and in the store.

He also remembered seeing the roof blow off the gym at the school, so I guess they were running around during the storm, but that’s what residents did.  They had  to check their businesses, and one of the uncles was the Sheriff of Dare County, so he had to be out and about.  I’m pretty sure he was Sheriff at that time.  He was also in charge of the jail.

Actually, he didn’t become sheriff until 1946 so I don’t know what they were doing out in the storm.  Checking on the store, I guess.  Anyhow, I’m going to ask him some more questions about it when I see him again.

I wonder if my outer banks kin evacuated.  Irene will be there late tomorrow night, I guess.  I doubt it.  I’ve never known any of them to evacuate during a storm.  I’m very concerned about the beach replenishment project at Nags Head.  They spent millions and aren’t done, and I’m sure Irene isn’t going to help.

So thankful Andy evacuated to my inlaws’ in Williamsburg.  He goes to school in Va. Beach at Va. Wesleyan College, and was planning to stay with friends in the area.  I was so worried he was going to be stubborn about it and stay.  He’s 20.  After he sees this storm he’ll be glad he left, I bet.

All for now-Ta!

A Lady Named Ruby

called me the ‘other wife’ today.

She was being kind,

and I took it thus.

Mother of my sons,

Giver of Life,

Ruby knew her first.

She knows a family,

who lost their youngest daughter,

and this family lost

their own lives as they’d known them.

I entered this family,

became an instant Mom,

to two precious boys,

the grandsons of Ruby’s neighbor.

I’m the other wife.

Granny’s Front Porch

First, location, location, location.  406 E. Main Street, Belhaven.  Just 2-3 blocks from downtown, around the corner from Water Street & Aunt Nellie’s house on the water.

The floors were always painted light gray, and always gleaming.  It was about 5 or 6 feet deep, and had a wide 2 or 3 step stoop.  After FEMA raised all the houses, the porch had lots more steps, but it was a long time after Granny was gone.  It was as wide as the house, which was late, late Victorian.  Nothing fancy, but oh, the most comfortable, comforting, safe place I ever knew.  Always something we loved to eat in the cookie jar, and usually something smelling good on the stove.

Back to the porch.  At one end was a hanging, 2-person swing and it was old.  Once I believe my cousin Susan and I were swinging on it and the screws came undone or stripped and it dropped to the floor of the porch.  I believe our egos were bruised, mostly.  The swing was painted dark, dark green.  She had 2 benches on the porch.  One was a sort of plain & simple federal style reproduction, the other matched the swing.  I wish I could find a picture.  The boards were very close together, and they looked about the size of a broom, cut in half length-wise & round side up.  The design was kind of deco.  She always had pretty plants on the porch and it was pristine.  In front of the porch were hydrangea bushes with blue blooms, lots of blooms.

We always had a crowd on the 4th of July because it was a prime spot from which to view the annual 4th of July parade.  And all afternoon we’d watch people parading up and down Main Street on foot, bike, car and the occasional shriner’s go-kart. 

The memory of that porch at Granny’s is sacred to me.  I’ll find some pics of the 4th of July w/ everyone sitting up on the porch and post them sometime.  Since I don’t have any of the porch, I am posting a pic of my sisters and me ca. 1964.  I’m the baby.  It’s in front of Memom’s house, and you can see Memom’s red Rambler in the background.  My oldest sister, Lynn, then Betsy, then me (looking messy, as always).  Oh, and you can see why bangs don’t really work on me.

Lynn, Betsy, Julie ca. 1964, Memom's, Riverview St., Belhaven

Susan & I were very mischievous.  Eventually she had it taken down, but Granny used to have a huge cedar or some time of conifer that reached the ground in her front yard.  Once the neighbor lady across the street was calling for her daughter or grandaughter & Susan & I were on the porch, hidden, by the tree, from her view.  We kept answering her, “what?” every time she called.  I think Granny caught us doing this and admonished us.  I’ll have to check w/ Susan.  She’s my cousin with whom I have many fond memories of being at Granny’s.

Transition

I am looking for full time work.

It’s a topsy turvy process.

I feel confident, capable,

but there is a draining of

energy,

some of it positive,

as I willow and wallow through

this tangle.

While I feel good

about most things,

it is very alien.

In 25 years I’ve had 2 jobs.

With a brief temp job,

and child rearing–

respite?

No, child rearing

is the hardest, albeit rewarding,  job.

I’m not complaining,

just processing.

It is so new and,

in a way, fresh.

I like meeting people.

I’m happy I like change.

If I didn’t, I’d be a ragged mess.

My spirits have been good,

and my family is well.

I’ve felt joy

and some fear.

How I haven’t felt fear constantly

is anathema to me.

I don’t think I fear, fear

anymore.

That helps in life.

This fearful voice in my head just said,

What if something happened to Tim,

or one of the boys?

Fuck you, fear!

Love trumps you any time!

Still Reading…

The Nazi Doctors by Robert Jay Lifton.  It is slow going.  There seems to be a lot of repetition.  He’s really getting into the psychology of the participants, but it seems repetitive.  I’m about half way through, and usually I read faster than that, if you read my blog.  I’ve been distracting myself..

Tim gave me a plastic box to put all of the books I have lying around that are library books, borrowed books, books I’ve bought & not read, books I’m reading.  Sometimes I read more than one at a time.  Oh, and books I’ve read and I’m going to give away.  So, the box is pretty full.  I”m very tempted to start a new book, but I’ve found other ways to distract myself.

First, let me tell you about a fabulous documentary I watched last night.  It is called Bright Leaves by a film maker I can’t believe I didn’t know–Ross McElwee.  The work is very personal and moving.  I usually watch docs for info., but the film itself was a work of art.  He narrated, and his voice is gentle and melodic, with a soft southern vibration.  I was attracted to the film because it is about the NC tobacco industry, which is rather close to home for me.  My people are coastal, but I’ve known quite a few tobacco growers on the inner banks of NC.

Spoiler alert!!!!  The film drew an amusing parallel between a legend in McElwee’s family, and a legend in my family.  His first: (this is the spoiler part).  There was a film starring Gary Cooper & Lauren Bacall, among others, called Bright Leaf.  It was based upon a novel by a man with the wonderful name of Foster Fitz-Simons.  Fitz-Simmons and his wife, Marian Tatum, were creatives.  He was a dancer, a dramatist and, of course, a novelist.  He taught at Chapel Hill for years.

Ross McElwee’s family always thought the film was about his great grandfather, who purportedly had his tobacco trade secret stolen by Buck Duke, thus robbing the McElwee family of  all of the accolades and riches bestowed upon Mr. Duke.   In the film, the entire family always thought the Gary Cooper character was, literally, their ancestor.  Toward the end of Bright Leaves, McElwee speaks with Fitz-Simons’s wife and creative partner, Marian, who debunks the McElwee family legend.  He also tours the Duke Museum and realizes Buck Duke was the first to manufacture cigarettes on a large scale, which his great granddaddy hadn’t done.  So, a big letdown.

I think I’ve mentioned this here before, but my Great Uncle Frank was the sheriff of Dare County, NC, for about 35 years.  My Great  Aunt Cada, his sister in law, ran the main general store in Manteo.  Her husband was older, and a politician.   She always called him Mr. Tarkington, but Dad called him Uncle Lindsay.  Everyone else in the family worked for either Frank or Cada. 4 of Cada’s siblings (included Frank’s wife, and my Granddaddy) were pretty bad drunks.  They binged a lot.   Uncle Frank (the sheriff-I had 2 great Uncle Franks) was acquainted with Andy Griffith, who still has a home at Manteo.  I think you probably know where this is leading….  I will say Andy Griffith acted in The Lost Colony before he was famous, and knew my family.  My Dad was young and used to sell cokes there.  My 1st cousin once removed, Virginia, to whom I was very close and is the subject of my prior post, was an extra the first 2 seasons.  In case you don’t know, The Lost Colony could be the longest-running outdoor theatre production in the US.  I know it used to tout itself thus, but there might have been a few years there was no production or something.  I’ve linked to their website.

Anyhow, the White family legend has it that Sheriff Andy was based on Uncle Frank, Mayberry on Manteo, and Otis, the town drunk, was a composite of Granddaddy, his brother, and their 2 sisters.  The truth is, while there are parallels, Andy hails from the lovely Mount Airy, NC, which, understandably, bills itself as the famous Mayberry.

Anyhow, I thought that little parallel between McElwee’s family and mine was kind of funny.  His treatment of this disappointment is excellent-great, subtle humor.  I really recommend this film, and I think I’m going to watch another of his films called Sherman’s March right now!  Both films are available for playing on Netflix.

Could I, perhaps, be avoiding my Nazi Doctor book?  Must I finish it?  I’ll be honest.  I want to know more about Mengele and he hasnt’ gotten to Mengele yet.  I know.  Macabre.  Should I just read about Mengele?  Ta!

Andy’s college choir is different

from his high school choir.  His high school choir had some solos, but they weren’t the “lead” of the show.  They were formal, and it was such a pleasure going to the concerts.  Well, last fall he went to college, and he is in the choir.  We went to Norfolk, which is two hours from our house, to hear the Christmas concert.  We didn’t realize there would be faculty singing and a large, non-student bell choir there.   I had an internal rant, which I was writing down during the concert.  I wasn’t really angry, just irritated and, of course, wanted my son’s choir to be the star of the show.  I’m sharing the rants here, because I found them today and thought they were funny.  The daughter I refer to is Andy’s girlfriend.  Warning:  There is cursing here.  It really was in fun, and I was expressing sort of a mock outrage.  Also, I journal in a fairly stream of consciousness manner.  Hope it isn’t difficult to keep up.  Also, the entry started out with thoughts about the day and Andy while we were waiting for the concert to start, so I’m including that, as it segues directly into the rant.  Sometimes I pray in my journal, too.

My Child

Growing, growing

Grown.

So mature, wise-

a comfort.

Loving.

my heart

Heart full of love

Teeming green, flowing

overflowing with joy.

With gratiutude

Love so full

so complete.

Spirit, protect Andy.  Help him to feel relaxed, not like he has to take care of everything.   Bless him, keep him safe and secure.  Let him feel our love and support.  Please let his life be long and full of good living and love.

Came to (his college) today, didn’t feel like traveling, but the drive was fine.  Felt nervous, don’t know why.  Energy level has been awful.  B (other son) and I have been at odds.  Feel like I talked too much at lunch.  I hope I didn’t monopolize convo.  Wonder what weather will be like this evening.  Wonder if Andy wants a camera for Christmas.

I find this soprano annoying.  Who is she?  Why can’t the kids be singing this?  WTF?

She should be singing on the Lawrence Welk show or something.  Tim says she sounds like someone when they sing “Santa Baby”.  Who the hell is this?

WTF?  Why is my child not singing Jingle Bells?  WTF?  I didn’t come to see of bunch of middle aged wanna bees.

I came to see my son & daughter NOT a bunch of old bats stealing the show.

Snore.

If this ends without my child singing again I’m having a shit fit.

Since he’s more sociable now, may want pics…

WTF???

I’m their age and I think it’s the corniest, most annoying thing I’ve seen today.  Besides — the soprano!  Blank (her 1st & last name) Show?

Goofiness.

Irritation.

I want to hear my son sing, damn it!  This is a ridiculous waste of my and his time.

End.

So that’s it.  The thoughts, ponderings, mock anger (was really fun writing it down at the time) of moi. 

Actually a little too revealing….  maybe I shouldn’t publish this…. but it was funny… What. Ever.

January

I love Betty Draper’s real name–January Jones.  How unusual.  January is usually the month when I struggle with depression the most.  For all the stress I’ve encountered this month, I should be depressed, but I am oddly happy and invigorated.  I like change, so I don’t find it as stressful as some.  We moved 1/23.  When our eldest went to school this past year we sold our house & moved into an apartment, with the intention of building a townhouse in a new community.  My husband lost his job, so a mortgage wasn’t exactly at the top of our list of desires.  We’d signed a contract, and were so grateful to receive every penny back.

So, the apartment we were occupying was 2 bedrooms, and pretty small.  The neighborhood was a little odd.  There was an underlying unpleasant energy, which I didn’t notice until we moved away.  Personally, I enjoyed seeing people, being able to walk places, etc.  Ultimately we realized it wasn’t very good for our youngest, Barrett.  He has experienced major change–big brother (& best friend) going off to college, moving from the house in which he grew up, and Tim losing his job.   All of this was very tough on him.

Fortunately we found another, larger apartment very close to our old neighborhood.  Barrett can walk to school.  We have a lovely view in the living room.  There are these over-sized sliding glass doors which open onto a small patio.  I’m finding I really like renting.  I’d forgotten what it’s like to have something break down & not have to worry about paying to fix it.  This place feels so much more like home, too.

So, we moved here 1/23.  The next weekend it snowed 14″.  It was quite beautiful.  Tim has had several bouts with MRSA, which is a penicillin resistant staph infection.  This started in 2008.  Friday, a week ago, we realized what had looked like one of those painful red zits that never materializes was actually a MRSA lesion.  That Friday, the 29th, we called the doc who proscribed Bactrim (I think that’s the name of it–it’s the 1st oral antibiotic you have to take when you have MRSA, because that’s what the insurance company says you have to do!  And we all know they know what is best for our health, right?!)

Anyhow, it didn’t improve, and by Monday Tim looked like he had lost a big fight.  The left side of his face was very swollen, his eye was almost swollen shut.  We went to the doc in the am who sent us directly to the emergency room.  Fortunately his bloodwork indicated no problem with an internal infection, which would be life threatening.  They admitted him and started him on IV antibiotics and treated his pain.  MRSA is quite painful because of the swelling and sensitivity of the lesion.   By Wed. he was out of isolation (he could walk around the hospital) so we thought–why not be home?  So they arranged for home infusion people to come show me how to give him iv’s at home.  That is what we have been doing since then.  We will do this until Tuesday and he sees the doc Monday.

So, the past month has been extremely stressful.  For some reason I’m handling it very well.  I’m thankful for this response.  It was much worse when Tim was in the hospital.  Barrett is too young to visit him.  I felt guilty for leaving Barrett (who was home because of the snow) and then I felt guilty leaving Tim.  And sad.  I missed him at night.  I’m a scaredy cat, and I was afraid to go to bed the first night.  I finally went at 5am.

It snowed again this weekend, another 6-7 in. on top of the 14″ from last week.  Could be much worse.  North of here, DC & MD, are seeing a lot more snow.  I’ve cleaned & shoveled around the car 5 times, because the temperature was expected to drop dramatically, and I didn’t want 8″ of ice on and around the car, especially with Tim sick.  He has this PICC (acronym for something) line for an iv.  It’s a port that goes directly to his heart.  If it were to fall out or something it would be very serious, so I wanted to be ready to leave quickly if I needed to.  I’m thankful I did this because it would be much harder to dig out now.  It’s 20 degrees and dropping. 

My heart feels very grateful.  I feel thankful.  And tired.  So off for Elsie’s last walk & then to bed.  Thanks for listening.

Tim is much, much better.  The swelling on his face & eye has gone down, the lesion has been draining wonderfully.  There has been tremendous improvement the past 2 days.