What I’ve been reading, etc.

I read Family of Spies, Inside the John Walker Spy Ring by Pete Earley, a reporter for the WaPo.  Written in the 80′s, when the story broke.  It’s amazing.  John Walker, I believe, is a total narcissist & sociopath.  Has no regard for anyone but himself.  Fortunately, he’s still in jail.  His poor brother, who hardly did anything wrong, and then only out of fear of his brother, is in prison for the rest of his life.  John Walker could be paroled, and his son, Michael Walker, received parole in about 2000, at the age of 37.  I did a little research, of course, on-line.  The book dragged, and took me over a week to read.  Of course, it was a very busy week.

I’m reading the most interesting historical book, Unwise Passions, by Alan Pell Crawford, who actually lives here in Richmond.  It’s about the scandal of Ann Cary (Nancy) Randolph, and her brother-in-law, Richard Randolph.  It also presents the demographics and sociology of the time after the Revolutionary war.  I didn’t realize the division that resulted in the US Civil War started so early.  It’s quite fascinating.

I started a new job, which requires a solid 1 hour commute, so I’m listening to books on tape.  The first one is Andrew Young’s The Politician.  I am finding it very enjoyable, although the reader’s voice and inflections are overly dramatic.  I’d rather be reading it, but, alas, I need something to entertain me during my commute, and this is doing the job.  Andrew Young was John Edwards’s right hand man because he thought he would be president, and good for his career, and believed in the ideals Edwards presented.  He allowed himself to become the family’s lackey, and the results were practically catastrophic.   It’s juicy, and you know I like a juicy tome!

I started a new job this week, and it was exhausting, but great.  I love the job, the people, and where I’m working.  It’s on an old farm, on the James River, in Charles City County.  It’s beautiful.  Oh, I’ll give it a plug-it’s an on-line greenhouse, and we are taking orders shipping in the fall!  www.thegrowers-exchange.com .  We have just about every type of herb you can imagine, and beautiful flowers, not exactly what you will find at Lowe’s.  The prices are good, and we also have lots of beautiful planters, garden accessories and hand tools.  I really like my job.  And I’m still working at my old company part-time.

So, that’s it.  My muse, offended by my lack of attention, has vanished, and I’m kindly asking for her return.  I need to write poetry.  I’ve written in my journal, but it isn’t the same.

Books

I finished reading Girl Meets God.  I’ve been reading poems from the anthology, and loving it!  I also did a writing prompt exercise and couldn’t believe the store that came forth.  I put a lot of just writing over on another blog at Open Salon.  I think it’s under juliawb.  It’s kind of a first chapter, although my intention was a short story.  A couple of folks asked me what happens next, though.  Perhaps I can think of a prompt for another chapter and see where it goes…

Now I’m reading a good ‘ole true crime book, by one of my faves, Jack Olsen.  It’s called Cold Kill.  As usual, he delves extensively into the mind(s) of the perpetrator(s).  I needed some True Crime after all the memoir, art & poetry I was reading.  I actually stayed up way too late reading that.  I will say again, Jack Olsen is the Original and best of the true crime genre.  He also wrote wrote for Time and other magazines, and wrote nonfiction about interesting events.

I’m going to look up a poetry prompt and see if anything comes up.  I LOVE prompts.  They suit my personality perfectly, and my best writing, I believe, is stream of consciousness.

Whining & I finished the book

Okay, I’m going to blab (read: whine) about myself, so move on if you don’t want to listen. I wouldn’t blame you. I need healing. I feel broken & unhealthy. It is my fault. I’m overweight and have frequently not taken care of my body. My back is so far out of alignment that I have a huge knot behind my heart. (It’s always there, but right now it is worse than it’s ever been, feels like it’s affecting my breathing. I think it’s probably from a past life.) My back hurts at the bottom, in the small, and my neck. I feel like my ribs are out. My joints are hurting: both thumbs/hands, both elbows. I’m peri-menopausal (read: very irregular & at the age where bones mass starts to go.)

I have asthma. I have a broken bone in my foot that I got by walking in flip flops. I drove for the 1st time in 2 weeks. I’m bummed I have to take this boot off before I drive, and put it back on after I get to my destination. It’s time consuming, plus I know it puts my foot in a position it isn’t supposed to be in for healing. My foot doesn’t feel as good as it did when I first got the boot. I’ve been very faithful about wearing it. It’s been swelling, and my ankle has experienced some unhappiness. It scares me b/c I got a clean bill of health last year on my bones.

My oldest son emailed me the other night and he’s been feeling neglected by us at college. We talked afterward, and I felt so guilty. I was really just trying to give him his space, which I think he understands. I need to work on his FAFSA stuff. It’s due soon. It feels very overwhelming.

My husband was in the hospital a few weeks ago, is just getting his strength back. He’s also not in the best spirits. He has only worked part time since October. Hoping he’ll get full time soon. I’m worried about money. Long story but we moved twice in 6 months.

Our phone hasn’t worked properly since we moved. People call & sometimes they are told the phone is out of service. Yesterday I couldn’t get the messages off because when I did what you’re supposed to do to hear the message, it called the person back, but they couldn’t hear me when I spoke. This was very frustrating.

There are many positive things going on, and I usually try to be a positive person. I try not to complain. But right now I feel beaten down. However, I’m going to my chiropractor this afternoon, and someone turned me on to Feldenkrais work (via Twitter!) and I looked up practitioners in Richmond & someone I know is a practitioner. What a blessing! She’s coming over Friday to work with me.

Older son told younger son to be nice to me, I think, because he was such an angel last night after texting with his brother. Made me feel wonderful. Kindness works wonders on me. I know things will get better. I always feel a positive outcome results in everything. I’m thankful for many, many things. One of them is getting 2 healing appointments for myself this week. I’m thankful for my family, and my extended family. I’m thankful for my little shadow, Elsie. I’m thankful to be living by a wooded area with a creek & seeing lots of birds. Okay, enough about me.

Finished the Carolyn Jessop book. It ends at about the time Warren Jeffs was found and arrested. More recently Jeffs has been sent to prison. Plus there was that snafu with trying to free the children at their TX compound. I think almost all of them were sent right back into the cults. If their mothers still believe Jeffs is the son of God, basically, they are still going to do what he says, even from jail. They will view him as being persecuted. People don’t understand this is the only life they know. They believe if they leave their husbands they will go to hell. It’s taking the whole patriarchal religion thing to new heights. They are to be in perfect obedience to whatever their husband tells them to do or not do. They are never to express an opinion or an emotion. Can’t imagine. Well, it was a little like that growing up, but not to that extent, and I never felt like a prisoner of something unbearable, ever. I’ll let you know which book I start next.

I found a funny blog by someone who shares a lot of the same interests as me. I’ve put it on my blogroll. http://talesofrediculousness.blogspot.com. I hope I spelled ridiculousness right. If I didn’t, I copied & pasted the link to my blogroll, so I’m sure it’s right. Maybe I’ll write a poem about my physical pains. Thinking out loud. Loss, pain are easier for me to write about in poetry form than happy things. Billy Collins writes well about happy things. Perhaps that is why he was poet laureate & I was not, ha ha!  Really, I like to write about people.

Ta Ta!

February is over half over…

What a month it has been!  Virginia has had lots of snow, snow we don’t usually get.  It’s quite beautiful.  I’m not even sick of it, except I have a stress fracture on my foot & there’s a huge snow pile by the dog poo station near my apartment.  Also, it’s a little dicy when the temperature drops below freezing.  I’m so afraid of falling again.  I’m walking very carefully.  Elsie was attacked again last week, and I couldn’t do anything because of this blasted boot I’m wearing.  However, the boot has helped matters immensely.  I’m not longer in pain & having to ice my foot on a daily basis, which I was experiencing before the stress fracture diagnosis. 

Tim is better, he’s on oral antibiotics.  I had to give him at home IV’s and it wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be.  It’s better than cleaning out & re-filling the void with gauze on MRSA tissue that has been removed.  It’s not as painful for Tim.  The oral antibiotic is making him intermittently extremely nauseous.

We did get out of Dodge for Valentine’s Day and went to a Dance & stayed the night for Valentine’s last Saturday.  What a blessing that was!  I also got to see some of my high school friend’s Friday night.  Tim drove me, because I’m not driving w/ my “club foot” and some other friends took me home.  We’ve also had friends bring us food, which is soooo kind and appreciated.

I read Vanished.  It was a bit boring.  I usually enjoy Carlton Smith (true crime writer) more.  I am now reading the fascinating The Heart is a Lonely Hunter by Carson McCullers.  It is stellar.  Unbelievable to me that she was only 23 when she wrote it.  What a talent! 

I’ve also been trying to keep up with emails and all the kind friends and family who have inquired about our health.  We are much better.  Barrett is better.  He was very anxious about all of our health issues.  I’m thankful for several things.

1. We got most of our things moved, and 4 pods emptied before the snow, sickness, injury (well, I had the injury & didn’t know it.  Perhaps that is why I fell twice the day we moved!)

2.  I finished all of the year-end duties at work before all of the above late January/Feb. events that kept reminding us to SLOW DOWN. -  I  believe that is the message.

So, I’m baaaaacccckkkk!!  Hope to be writing more, and poetry would be lovely.  Muse?  Please show yourself!

Okay, taking a break…

from my compulsive reading.  I am still reading the Mulvaneys.  It’s sad, depressing.  I like this book but I think I’ve been over indulging.   Reading is a solitary affair, and as a bit of an extrovert, I need to communicate with and be around other people.  There are a couple of nice arts events this week, Wed. & Friday, and hopefully will catch up with a few friends this weekend.  Need human contact!!  It’s not that I haven’t had any, I have just spent all my time at home either reading, or writing.  The writing is really good for me, so I’ll lighten up on the reading.  Not that I won’t read at all, of course, since I do enjoy it.  Oh, Geez, ya-di-ya-di-ya.

By the way, I must say Ellen over at Fired n’ Fabulous (she’s also on my blogroll) has a great blog.  It’s light and airy, but still gives me food for thought.  She’s very zany!  Each of her blog ends with a question, which invites comments.  I love commenting on her blog, because she reads them and comments back.

I hope my writing assignment for my Creative Spark class isn’t too long.  I typed it, which makes it so much easier to say more, and it’s 4 typed pages.  I feel like I talked about 2 different things, I hope the disconnect isn’t as obvious as it seems to me.

Read 2 books this weekend

Finished The Molineux Afftair this afternoon.  I’m feeling unmotivated and down.  Ok, there I said it.  I did get some housework done-most of the laundry, dusting and vacuuming, but I didn’t complete it all.  This afternoon I’m going to a new member’s reception for Visual Arts center.  I’m dreading it a little, only because I’m having a crisis of confidence.  I’m sure it will be fine.  I’ve been such a slug, I don’t want to blow this off too.

I did my Creative Spark writing assignment, but I want to tweak it.   There is a whole area I wanted to talk about and I didn’t, so I have the material, just need to get it down.  The assigment was to read something written by Langston Hughes, and writing about it and applying some of it to our own lives and write about it.   

I think I’d be better off if I didn’t involve myself with politics at all.  In fact, I’m going to un-follow some people, because I don’t think it’s an area I need to focus on.  It’s so negative.  And I just received this book about Bush & Cheney’s war for oil by Gore Vidal.  He is an excellent writer, and he always covers subjects very thoroughly and from a historical perspective as well.  I find this enriching.  But before I read that I think I will read We Were the Mulvaneys by Joyce Carol Oates.

Okay, I’ll get back to the assignment.   Wish I could be more interesting, but not feeling very interesting at the moment.  Sorry, Readers!  And you are so sweet to read my blather.  More later!

Creative Spark

Haven’t blogged much yet this week.  I was caught up in another fluff novel-An Inconvenient Woman by Dominick Dunne.  All that is done, and I must return to my writing.  We had class last night.  I had a hard time with the assignment.  We were supposed to focus on an object on a surface in the home, I think a memento, and write about it.  I put it off until right before class.  I wrote about a picture of one of my sons.  Truthfully, I wrote about my relationship with one of my sons.

During class we had a timed exercise of describing someone we know from different angles, as if they were sitting in a chair in the middle of the room and we were circling them.  I had a hard time with that, too.  He referenced D.H. Lawrence when he gave the assignment, and we are to do the same assignment for homework, only ourselves will be in the chair.  So, I am gong to read up a little on D.H. Lawrence narrative & descriptive prose, and try to be objective.  I found a pic of Mr. Lawrence here.

The instructor says the importance in writing are details about the character, a sense of feeling, and relationship.  I don’t think I will have a hard time with that.  I may if I am creating a fictional character, though.  We shall see!

Creative Spark

That is the name of my writing class. It was intense and wonderful. At first I was a little uncomfortable because there are 8 people in the class and the instructor and there were 2 tables pushed together w/ 9 chairs–3 on each long side, 2 at one end and 1 for the instructor at the other end. It felt too close!! I think he wanted to build intimacy, and he did! Everyone said their names and a little about themselves, and then everyone (except 1 girl who must have psychically made herself invisible, because he forgot to call on her) told a story about a subject he would throw out. The stories were fascinating. Mine was on the subject of ghosts.

If you don’t know my husband was widowed when he was 35. His wife, Denise, died suddenly. Well, her heart stopped and she collapsed and stopped breathing and never regained consciousness. She passed 2 days later, at the age of 33. The boys were 2 & 5. They were 4 & 7 when I became their stepmother. I didn’t know any of them before Denise passed.

The story I told was of B seeing her one day, and when he described what she was wearing it was the same dress in which she was buried. She also visits them in dreams. We haven’t talked about it much lately, but I always felt good for them that they had what I consider a very real spiritual connection to her. B was only 2 when she died, so he was kind of robbed of memories. He had to make his own memories, and I was thankful that he had this experience of seeing her, too.

Then, we did 2 timed writings. One was for 10 minutes, and after the break we did another for 15 minutes. The first one started with the words “I remember..”, and the 2nd one started with the words “I don’t remember..”. It was intense. There was a lot of feeling and there were a lot of connections between people in the class that emerged.

On the first one I sort of did a stream of consciousness writing and kept writing things that would pop into my head. The 2nd one was telling a story about family members.

This morning I was thinking how much of our memories and how our stories are shaped by experiences others’ have recounted to us. The story I told about on the 2nd one were things I’ve been told, because most of these people were elderly when I was born, and some of them died when I was very young.

I loved the class. It was exactly what I wanted. It definitely stirred a creative spark already, because I can’t stop writing. It’s all I can think about. As soon as I woke up I wrote about the dream I was having when I woke up. I’ve found that if I write about it, I remember more parts of it as I write. I’m so happy about the class!!

It also made me feel connected to each person in the class, and as one of my classmates pointed out afterward, there was no one in the class who was super-needy and hogged the instructor’s (and the class’s) attention. Each person had interesting things to write, and each person was attentive to the others. It was very giving. I think I forgot to mention that after we did these writings we read them out loud to the class.

Musings…

“Philanthropy is the gateway to power.”  That’s what Bert Cooper says.  There is a sociological context to Mad Men which is interesting.  I’ll certainly be writing about something other than this show after I’m done with season 2!  I’m on disc 2, the 3rd show now.  It isn’t exactly uplifting, or even that thought provoking.  I love Ken Cosgrove’s character.  He’s beguiling, and I love the way he is so unaware of how powerfully creative he is.

I’m soooo excited about my writing class.  I’m already doing some of these things, but to have guided, all in one place.  Expanding…

I’m plowing through Prince of Tides (the novel).  It’s leading up to the Big Trauma, which will be sad.  The book is far superior to the film.  I can’t believe the film won awards.  As I told my friend, Donna, one of the most unappealing things about the film was the absolute dearth of chemistry between Nick Nolte & Barbara Streisand.  Just thinking of it makes me squirm. 

Okay, getting back to this last episode so I can return it tomorrow.  Really trying to get through it quickly.

I’m taking a writing class & I’m very excited!!!!

It’s at a local place called the Visual Arts Center of Richmond.  It used to be called the Hand Workshop.  I took a pottery class there about 20 years ago and loved it.  By the way, they present a top-notch craft show each year in November.  These are talented artisans.  The show never disappoints.

Anyhow here is the class I’m taking.  It is so appropriate for me right now.

The Creative Spark

All Levels
Clarissa Pinkola Estes writes about el duende–“the goblin wind” within us which can breathe our creative spark into creative fire. The ember may be a poem, a story, a confession, a play. It may not even know what it is, or wants to be–but it’s there. So we’ll experiment. The goal of this creative writing class is to fan your ideas and inspirations into flame. We’ll use timed writing, dream journals, guided imagery, Active Imagination, and anything else we can think of to get in touch with the stories you want or need to tell–and those needing or wanting you to tell them. Come with an open mind. Be honest and brave. You will come away from this class not only a better writer, but also a clearer thinker.
Douglas Jones
8 Tuesdays

I think I am going to enjoy this a lot!!