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Catcher in the Rye

2010/01/29

I’ve thought some more about Holden Caulfield.  I don’t have a good memory for detail, but I remember feeling very relieved there was someone else who felt the way I did at 16.  By then depression had wrapped its ugly, gray, cloying fog around my skull, and I didn’t know what it was, or why I wanted to die, or anything.  Who knows anything at 16?  However, here was a guy who actually felt the way I did.  I know I wrote yesterday that Salinger didn’t get into the thoughts and feelings of some of his characters, but I see now that isn’t true.  He did evoke feeling in me.  Depression is a selfish disease.  All you think about is yourself, and it’s so easy to isolate yourself from others.  Or at least to compartmentalize it, so your friends may not see it, if you are an extrovert like myself.  I think depression is especially difficult for introverts, because then it is especially isolating. 

I wish I’d felt I had the freedom to act out the way Holden Caulfield did.  I was too afraid, though.  I’d have been in major trouble and I was quite terrified of authority.

So, I guess Salinger did give me a gift–the gift of knowing I wasn’t the only person who felt so bad they really wanted to not exist.  I’m thankful for all of the tools that exist now that didn’t then to help with this.  However, when you’re ‘in it’, those tools may as well not be there.

Well, back to my merry morning!

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4 Responses to “Catcher in the Rye”

  1. Jaymie Says:

    I didn’t expect that to end with a merry morning, lol. I hope all is well.

  2. Julie Says:

    It is, thank you. My depression is life-long, but only a few deep, clinical ones. The dysthymia is handled w/ meds. I’m good! Thanks!

  3. gbaugh Says:

    When I heard on the news that Salinger had died, I felt a great loss. A person I never met, who touched me deeply.
    Seems January is pulling me into a funk. I need sunshine. Yes, I blame it on the weather.
    Have a happy Thursday:-)
    Gerardine Baugh
    http://gerardinebaugh.wordpress.com/

    • Julie Says:

      Hello, my Friend! I felt loss too. January is usually my worst month, emotionally, but it’s flown by so quickly. Tim’s been sick, was in hospital this week. Home now & getting iv antibiotics. That’s why I haven’t blogged much. Thursday was marvelous because I got to bring Tim home that night!! It’s our 3rd snowstorm of the season right now, this 2 weekends in a row. I’m happy we’re in our new apartment.


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