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Whining & I finished the book

2010/02/23

Okay, I’m going to blab (read: whine) about myself, so move on if you don’t want to listen. I wouldn’t blame you. I need healing. I feel broken & unhealthy. It is my fault. I’m overweight and have frequently not taken care of my body. My back is so far out of alignment that I have a huge knot behind my heart. (It’s always there, but right now it is worse than it’s ever been, feels like it’s affecting my breathing. I think it’s probably from a past life.) My back hurts at the bottom, in the small, and my neck. I feel like my ribs are out. My joints are hurting: both thumbs/hands, both elbows. I’m peri-menopausal (read: very irregular & at the age where bones mass starts to go.)

I have asthma. I have a broken bone in my foot that I got by walking in flip flops. I drove for the 1st time in 2 weeks. I’m bummed I have to take this boot off before I drive, and put it back on after I get to my destination. It’s time consuming, plus I know it puts my foot in a position it isn’t supposed to be in for healing. My foot doesn’t feel as good as it did when I first got the boot. I’ve been very faithful about wearing it. It’s been swelling, and my ankle has experienced some unhappiness. It scares me b/c I got a clean bill of health last year on my bones.

My oldest son emailed me the other night and he’s been feeling neglected by us at college. We talked afterward, and I felt so guilty. I was really just trying to give him his space, which I think he understands. I need to work on his FAFSA stuff. It’s due soon. It feels very overwhelming.

My husband was in the hospital a few weeks ago, is just getting his strength back. He’s also not in the best spirits. He has only worked part time since October. Hoping he’ll get full time soon. I’m worried about money. Long story but we moved twice in 6 months.

Our phone hasn’t worked properly since we moved. People call & sometimes they are told the phone is out of service. Yesterday I couldn’t get the messages off because when I did what you’re supposed to do to hear the message, it called the person back, but they couldn’t hear me when I spoke. This was very frustrating.

There are many positive things going on, and I usually try to be a positive person. I try not to complain. But right now I feel beaten down. However, I’m going to my chiropractor this afternoon, and someone turned me on to Feldenkrais work (via Twitter!) and I looked up practitioners in Richmond & someone I know is a practitioner. What a blessing! She’s coming over Friday to work with me.

Older son told younger son to be nice to me, I think, because he was such an angel last night after texting with his brother. Made me feel wonderful. Kindness works wonders on me. I know things will get better. I always feel a positive outcome results in everything. I’m thankful for many, many things. One of them is getting 2 healing appointments for myself this week. I’m thankful for my family, and my extended family. I’m thankful for my little shadow, Elsie. I’m thankful to be living by a wooded area with a creek & seeing lots of birds. Okay, enough about me.

Finished the Carolyn Jessop book. It ends at about the time Warren Jeffs was found and arrested. More recently Jeffs has been sent to prison. Plus there was that snafu with trying to free the children at their TX compound. I think almost all of them were sent right back into the cults. If their mothers still believe Jeffs is the son of God, basically, they are still going to do what he says, even from jail. They will view him as being persecuted. People don’t understand this is the only life they know. They believe if they leave their husbands they will go to hell. It’s taking the whole patriarchal religion thing to new heights. They are to be in perfect obedience to whatever their husband tells them to do or not do. They are never to express an opinion or an emotion. Can’t imagine. Well, it was a little like that growing up, but not to that extent, and I never felt like a prisoner of something unbearable, ever. I’ll let you know which book I start next.

I found a funny blog by someone who shares a lot of the same interests as me. I’ve put it on my blogroll. http://talesofrediculousness.blogspot.com. I hope I spelled ridiculousness right. If I didn’t, I copied & pasted the link to my blogroll, so I’m sure it’s right. Maybe I’ll write a poem about my physical pains. Thinking out loud. Loss, pain are easier for me to write about in poetry form than happy things. Billy Collins writes well about happy things. Perhaps that is why he was poet laureate & I was not, ha ha!  Really, I like to write about people.

Ta Ta!

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12 Responses to “Whining & I finished the book”

  1. Jingle Says:

    wow,
    u r beautiful even if u r overweight,
    feel good,
    get out and touch people’s lives,
    u r fine and shine
    perfectly!

    Anyway, after u have done here,
    r u feeling better?
    I am curious!

  2. Julie Says:

    Yes, journaling always makes me feel better, and this was basically a journal entry. Thanks so much for your encouragement, Jingle.

  3. Jaymie Says:

    Everytime I look at your blog title I want to say whiz-bang-pow and that’s what you do. You do what needs to get done. 🙂 Glad the journaling helped – as always, sending blessings.


  4. Feeling sorry for ourselves is a necessary way to get rid of all that bad energy.
    I can relate to everything you said, that should worry me! LOL!! There are something’s we can’t control, hmm most things I can’t control…Life changes in an instant. Great Blog!

    Gerardine


  5. Wow, thanks for the shout-out! I hope things start looking up for you soon.

  6. Mindy Says:

    Hi, Julie! I have found Somatics therapy/training has “cured” me of nearly all my pains (many like yours) and I can maintain a lot of my alignments myself now. There are essences that can help with those, too, as well as past life clearing, if you’re interested. And Billy Collins is a favorite of mine….I especially like “Forgetfulness” and “Litany.”

  7. christie Says:

    Postive energy and thoughts are being sent to you. So glad you’ve got some scheduled seld-care time this week!!

    • Julie Says:

      Thanks, Sweetie!! I had this wonderful Feldenkrais session today. It’s a somadic healing modality. I want to learn how to be gentler with my body, and think with it rather than with my mind all the time.


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