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Transition

2010/05/12

I am looking for full time work.

It’s a topsy turvy process.

I feel confident, capable,

but there is a draining of

energy,

some of it positive,

as I willow and wallow through

this tangle.

While I feel good

about most things,

it is very alien.

In 25 years I’ve had 2 jobs.

With a brief temp job,

and child rearing–

respite?

No, child rearing

is the hardest, albeit rewarding,  job.

I’m not complaining,

just processing.

It is so new and,

in a way, fresh.

I like meeting people.

I’m happy I like change.

If I didn’t, I’d be a ragged mess.

My spirits have been good,

and my family is well.

I’ve felt joy

and some fear.

How I haven’t felt fear constantly

is anathema to me.

I don’t think I fear, fear

anymore.

That helps in life.

This fearful voice in my head just said,

What if something happened to Tim,

or one of the boys?

Fuck you, fear!

Love trumps you any time!

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