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Let him love, a main of faith

2013/09/19

Take a line from a song that you love or connect with. Now forget the song, and turn that line into the title or inspiration for your post.

Let him love, a man of faith

Life doesn’t turn out the way we expect it to all the time.  There are so many ways we would be more content if we didn’t judge, judge, judge.   Women, especially, tend to judge themselves and each other.

One thing I’ve been trying my whole life is to not judge everything I do, or what anyone else does.  Live & let live, as they say.

Our culture has changed dramatically since I was a little girl.  As we get older, our world gets bigger, and heaven help us if we don’t explore the larger world.  I am very grateful that I’m naturally curious.  Some might say nosy, but I truly just want to learn so much.  That is a very Sagittariun thing.  We never stop learning.  I am stimulated discussing art, culture, people, books.  Boy, the internet was a godsend for me!  Imagine, any piece of information I want is at my fingertips.  No more looking in the World Book Encyclopedia.

I read this piece in Rolling Stone called Sexting, Shame and Suicide.

It is about a 15 year old girl in Ca. who, last year, committed suicide.  She had started partying a lot and one night when she was extremely wasted three guys wrote all over her (including around her genitals) with markers.  They also fingered her.  And took pictures.   And showed the pictures to other people.

Here is the problem, which I wish people realized.  Unless one has informed consent from the other person, sex is off limits.  A minor cannot give informed consent.  A person who is drunk or high is incapable of giving informed consent.   That’s it.  It’s not a prank, which is very easy to assume.  Especially, I think, for boys.  They often don’t realize they are committing a crime when they do that.

I cringe to think what it felt like to be 15.  So self conscious.  This hits close to home.  In elementary school I was assaulted, by a group of larger, older boys.  It was just grabbing at my private areas but it was terrifying.  I felt like I asked for it.  I lived in dread every day of going to school, even getting on the bus.  It didn’t matter if it happened that day or not.  I would be afraid it was going to happen all day.   I remember once I wore a dress, Mom made me for some reason.  I never did because I was afraid one of these boys would grab at me under my dress.  I was in a fragile state, fragile.  The teacher fussed at me for something minor and I started crying.  This was 5th grade.  Because I was overreacting, the teacher made fun of me for crying, which of course made it worse.

I finally got the nerve to tell my Mom.  She went to the principal and told me the principal said I asked for it.  This was a woman who was probably afraid of these big boys herself.  I don’t know why Mom told me that.  I imagine the principal said I was precocious or something, because I was.

Anyhow nothing happened to improve it but somehow it empowered me to start saying No.  It didn’t work at first but I kept at it and their behavior toward me tapered to a little teasing now & then.  I hated those boys for a long time, but they were just kids.

And in my 20’s I was raped while I was asleep.  I had been drinking and I totally blamed myself.  I was at this “friend’s” apartment, sleeping in his bed.  When I realized what happened the next day, I was embarrassed & ashamed.  I felt like it was my fault because of my poor decisions.  It took me a long time to realize that was rape.

So there you go.  The one line of a song led to this confessional.  I hope it wasn’t offensive to anyone.  You just never know where the mind is going to take you.

How about a photo for this post….

My niece striking a pose.  Isn’t she adorable?

Image

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2 Responses to “Let him love, a main of faith”

  1. Charlotte Says:

    I admire your honesty in sharing these difficult experiences. Actually, I had similar situations to both of yours.

    I’m so happy to see you posting again!


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