I fell today


and busted my ass. It hurt like hell. I hurt my knees & then my cheek hit the asphalt. Oh, and I didn’t pass out or seize or anything. I distinctly remember my feet fumbling and the fall in detail. Every time I tried to sit up I got dizzy and couldn’t.  It still hurts and I’m going to show you a pic or you can check my twitter time line I tweeted one…

However, right now, what I’m thinking is about when people who are jaywalking or not wearing a seat belt or something else entirely uncriminal end up with their cheeks slammed to the pavement and receive not only no care, but usually at least a little more injury. No sympathy, no comfort, no feeling of safety. The whole staff at the vet’s office came out & one of the vets and tended to me. Brought me ice, called my husband, a towel for my head bc I couldn’t move. Gave me a Coke. I was dazed for a few minutes.

Tim left work and brought me home, got me situated and iced. I’m injured but great.

I can’t imagine hitting my face on the pavement like that and not being in pain and injured.

I’m thinking about how many times a day this happens to people on the streets of our country. No one gives it a thought.

Makes me hurt for our society. And ashamed I participated in letting it get this way.




In this post I talked about 4 books I’d read, and 1 I was in the process of reading.  I did read Frank Conroy’s ‘Stop Time’, and it was excellent.  To me, it was like Holden Caulfield meets Tom Sawyer.  I also finished ‘Mentor’.  ‘Mentor’ blew me away, and I recommend it above all the ones I spoke of in that post.

3 of the 1st 4 books and ‘Mentor’ were lent to me by a woman at work.  She was a resident.  Sadly, she passed on soon after I wrote the post.  The sad thing about her passing was she didn’t die of natural causes.  She was a vibrant, kind, humble person.  She was very able, didn’t have organic brain disease, and I think she was in her late 80’s.

She had a car accident.  From what I’ve been told, her chest was crushed and she, like many elderly people, couldn’t tolerate anesthesia.  If she could, surgery would have given her a good chance at life.  Instead she died, slowly.  I felt terrible for her and her family.

I’ve worked at this assisted living facility now for 9 months.  I love my job.  However, I haven’t quite mastered how to deal with the constant grief.  On average we probably lose 1 person per month.  It could be more, I’m not sure.  The longer I’ve worked there, the more I knew these people who passed.  I try to have good boundaries.  I don’t become excessively emotionally involved with residents, although I’ve become very fond of many of them.  I need to learn more about self-care in this field.  I’m not bad at self-care, but I’ve noticed some depression creeping up, despite being medicated!

I’m going to leave you with a picture of my family ca. 1971.  We had gotten our first 2nd car, a VW beetle.  In this picture are my oldest sister, Lynn, older sister, Betsy, my brother, David, me, and my Dad.  An introvert, I know my Dad must have felt “crowded” at times.  This image certainly is a perfect example!

which is about MRSA.  I think everyone should read this book.  If I didn’t know so much about MRSA from our family experiences with it, it would scare me.  But the truth is, MRSA doesn’t kill that many people, compared to say… heart disease.  However, it is VERY contagious.  Tim has had what is called soft tissue CA-MRSA (Community Acquired) 5 times, I believe, starting in June of 2008.  I came home from Europe, and he had a spot on his forearm that was red & swollen.   We went out to dinner that night, and by the time we got home his forearm was about 50% larger than normal.  It is so amazing how quickly it attacks.  It was misdiagnosed as a brown recluse spider bite.  This is very common, because it looks exactly like a brown recluse spider bite.  Tim hadn’t been bitten, to his knowledge.  So, he was treated with the wrong antibiotics for 5 weeks.  That makes the MRSA adapt and become more resistent, we’ve discovered.   Tim & I were talking about this first “attack” this morning and I remembered my friend Steve kept saying “Brown recluse spiders aren’t in this part of the country.”  He said it several times, and he was right.  Once in a blue moon, but highly unlikely one would get bitten and not know it.

Then he started getting another one on the same arm.  I can’t remember exactly where.  He felt awful because of the cellulitis.  The tissue around these lesions swells a lot, and it’s extremely painful.  After they discovered it was MRSA, they started him on the correct antibiotics (well, after the insurance company allowed them to; first he had to take the 1st line of defense antibiotics, and it was pretty much too late for them).  Ultimately, both of the lesions had to be removed surgically, and they were very deep.  The infection gets into the muscle.  The wounds had to remain open, so I had to unpack, clean the opening w/ saline, then repack and re-bandage twice a day.  The things you do for love…  Couldn ‘t do that for anyone else, except my kids.  So, after 2 months, he was better, but he was down, man.

Then he got it again a few months later.  I can’t remember where.  A few months after that he got it in his ear.  That was excruciating for him.  The ear was so swollen I couldn’t get the drops in it, so he had to go to an ent and get this expandable thing to put in there, and it expands when the liquid saturates it and enables the meds to get down into his ear properly.  It healed the nicest of any of the infections, and not having to unpack/pack was a big bonus.

Several months after that he got 2 lesions on his torso.  One kind of under his arm which healed with antibiotics, then another about 6 inches below, which didn’t heal with antibiotics, so it had to be removed surgically.  MRSA is a penicillin-resistent staph infection, by the way.  And even then, if it gets too far, antibiotics won’t get rid of it.

The end of January this year he got a place on the bridge of his nose, to the side of it.  It swelled so badly his eye was almost shut, and that whole side of his face was very swollen.  This time he had to be hospitalized for 3 days so he could get Vancomycin via IV.  They let him come home but I had to give him the Vancomycin IV or another 5 days, then he had 3 more weeks of antibiotic, which makes his stomach funky. 

It completely disrupts our life.  Tim lost his job because he felt pressured to go back to work before he was feeling compeltely better, plus he was having extreme anxiety and just couldn’t perform well.  It was awful for him.  He lost another job this year after an infection had to be removed surgically.  He just couldn’t work the hours that were required, and recover as well.  It’s been awful.  However, he’s alive, doing just fine at the moment, and working part time, doing what he loves. (financial analysis-yuck!)

We have learned a lot about CA-MRSA, and this book would seem alarmist to someone who hasn’t experienced it.  It is making me a little paranoid.  I have a couple of mosquito bites (I guess) which I’m watching.   Tim & I watch his skin and if he gets a red bump (starts out looking like a little zit) we clean it w/ hibiclens and put a topical antibiotic on it until it goes away.  I use Borax in the laundry just in case it lingers on clothing, and wash all laundry except delicates on hot.  He had de-colonization once, but I’ m not sure how effective, or rather how lasting, it was.  Plus, lots of people are colonized with it but don’t get infections.  I or our kids or even the dog could be giving it back to him.  This is the infection people used to get at the hospital, and now  the infection has changed and is getting out in the community, at a rather alarming rate.  Tim probably got it at the Y.  And if it gets in your lungs or bones or bloodstream, the prognosis is extreme illness and possibly death.  The lungs are very vulnerable.

Anyhow, that’s Superbug.  I’m learning a little more, but nothing really new.  It is definitely an illness where you have to advocate for yourself and educate yourself, because every doctor you see will tell you something different.  It’s understandable, though, because the infection is changing all the time, adapting to new antibiotics and becoming resistant to them.

This book is written by an excellent, experienced Science writer, Maryn McKenna.  She has a site called Superbug and it’s full of great information.  If you have any questions, feel free to ask me, because we’ve been dealing with it now for a couple of years, and have learned a lot.  This book is a quick read, I should finish it the next day or 2, depending on how busy I am.  Then–my Natalie Wood book will be here and I can lose myself in scandal!! 

I’ve been immersing myself in Genealogy when not reading this book.   I made a great connection on my Howerin side, Granny’s maiden name.  I’m so excited about it!!  It was such a funky name, the census takers got the name wrong on several documents throughout the years, but I’ve now discovered them, and have learned so much.  It’s like putting the pieces of a puzzle together.  Well, I’m not a huge fan of puzzles.  It’s like a chase & I finally catch what I’m chasing, and learn more which leads down a different path.  I love new paths!

I won’t say your name.

I’m sure you’ve many monikers.

Why, I’ve called you

grayness, darkness, cloud, fog.

Hate, hurt, hopelessness, pain.

My heart is weighty.

You effect bad breathing, helplessness

and self loathing.

You take my creativity.

You’re a feeling, not a thing.

I won’t let you take me.

Yet, you have me,

at the moment.

Please don’t keep me long.

I miss my ebullience and drive.

I miss feeling accomplished.

I miss wanting to move my body.

I miss wanting to live.

I miss desire.

You will not last.

I’ve beaten you before.

And I will again.

First, just let me say, I think I’m going to like this Feldenkrais work.  I’m familiar with lots of healing modalities, but I’d never heard of this.  Nancy Dawe, Feldenkrais practitioner extraordinaire, worked with me this morning, and then, literally put me to bed.  She said I have to rest “be comfortable” twice a day.  Tim & I are both learning how to take better care of ourselves.  Difficult lesson I might add.  As I think most people in our society would find this difficult.

Started reading a novel by a little gem Tarheel named Clyde Edgerton.  It’s called The Bible Salesman.  It’s about. well, a lot.  I’m finding it very interesting.  It takes place in eastern NC,  my second home.  Perhaps I need to write about Belhaven, and the time I spent there.  That aside, Henry is a naive young Bible salesman, questioning some of the things he’s reading, because he’s always been told (by my nemesis, the apostle Paul) how the Holy Bible is the true word of God.  Yet, he’s reading it and keeps coming up with these contradictions, and wonders why his preacher nor his aunt (who raised him) never addressed them, since it was Bible study, after all!  Humourous, too.For me, geography plays a big part in my enjoyment of a film or book.   I’m delighted I’ve discovered Clyde Edgerton (love the name!) and plan on reading more of his work.

I also picked up at the library Joe McGinniss’s Never Enough about Robert & Andrew (and murderess wife Nancy) Kissel.  I read another books which was more about Andrew & his wife, but I thought this take would be interesting as it focuses more on Nancy & Robert.  I also got Peaches & Daddy by Michael M. Greenburg about a young girl in the 20’s who marries a Manhattan millionaire, age 51.  Apparently they both had a penchant for exhibitionist behavior and moolah!  Should be interesting.  The byline is “a story of the roaring 20’s, the birth of tabloid media, & the courtship that captured the heart and imagination of the American public.”  All of my requirements for a good read-in case you’re wondering, it is true.  Sort of a group study of a scandalous event.  Oh, how I love sociology!

I borrowed several books from Amanda.  Escape was one of them.  There’s also another about one of the boys in the FLDS, some other non-fiction & Norton’s Anthology of Narrative, because I’m on a reading frenzy.

Okay, need to walk my girl then go get Barrett at school.  I’m feeling a lot better!!

Okay, I’m going to blab (read: whine) about myself, so move on if you don’t want to listen. I wouldn’t blame you. I need healing. I feel broken & unhealthy. It is my fault. I’m overweight and have frequently not taken care of my body. My back is so far out of alignment that I have a huge knot behind my heart. (It’s always there, but right now it is worse than it’s ever been, feels like it’s affecting my breathing. I think it’s probably from a past life.) My back hurts at the bottom, in the small, and my neck. I feel like my ribs are out. My joints are hurting: both thumbs/hands, both elbows. I’m peri-menopausal (read: very irregular & at the age where bones mass starts to go.)

I have asthma. I have a broken bone in my foot that I got by walking in flip flops. I drove for the 1st time in 2 weeks. I’m bummed I have to take this boot off before I drive, and put it back on after I get to my destination. It’s time consuming, plus I know it puts my foot in a position it isn’t supposed to be in for healing. My foot doesn’t feel as good as it did when I first got the boot. I’ve been very faithful about wearing it. It’s been swelling, and my ankle has experienced some unhappiness. It scares me b/c I got a clean bill of health last year on my bones.

My oldest son emailed me the other night and he’s been feeling neglected by us at college. We talked afterward, and I felt so guilty. I was really just trying to give him his space, which I think he understands. I need to work on his FAFSA stuff. It’s due soon. It feels very overwhelming.

My husband was in the hospital a few weeks ago, is just getting his strength back. He’s also not in the best spirits. He has only worked part time since October. Hoping he’ll get full time soon. I’m worried about money. Long story but we moved twice in 6 months.

Our phone hasn’t worked properly since we moved. People call & sometimes they are told the phone is out of service. Yesterday I couldn’t get the messages off because when I did what you’re supposed to do to hear the message, it called the person back, but they couldn’t hear me when I spoke. This was very frustrating.

There are many positive things going on, and I usually try to be a positive person. I try not to complain. But right now I feel beaten down. However, I’m going to my chiropractor this afternoon, and someone turned me on to Feldenkrais work (via Twitter!) and I looked up practitioners in Richmond & someone I know is a practitioner. What a blessing! She’s coming over Friday to work with me.

Older son told younger son to be nice to me, I think, because he was such an angel last night after texting with his brother. Made me feel wonderful. Kindness works wonders on me. I know things will get better. I always feel a positive outcome results in everything. I’m thankful for many, many things. One of them is getting 2 healing appointments for myself this week. I’m thankful for my family, and my extended family. I’m thankful for my little shadow, Elsie. I’m thankful to be living by a wooded area with a creek & seeing lots of birds. Okay, enough about me.

Finished the Carolyn Jessop book. It ends at about the time Warren Jeffs was found and arrested. More recently Jeffs has been sent to prison. Plus there was that snafu with trying to free the children at their TX compound. I think almost all of them were sent right back into the cults. If their mothers still believe Jeffs is the son of God, basically, they are still going to do what he says, even from jail. They will view him as being persecuted. People don’t understand this is the only life they know. They believe if they leave their husbands they will go to hell. It’s taking the whole patriarchal religion thing to new heights. They are to be in perfect obedience to whatever their husband tells them to do or not do. They are never to express an opinion or an emotion. Can’t imagine. Well, it was a little like that growing up, but not to that extent, and I never felt like a prisoner of something unbearable, ever. I’ll let you know which book I start next.

I found a funny blog by someone who shares a lot of the same interests as me. I’ve put it on my blogroll. http://talesofrediculousness.blogspot.com. I hope I spelled ridiculousness right. If I didn’t, I copied & pasted the link to my blogroll, so I’m sure it’s right. Maybe I’ll write a poem about my physical pains. Thinking out loud. Loss, pain are easier for me to write about in poetry form than happy things. Billy Collins writes well about happy things. Perhaps that is why he was poet laureate & I was not, ha ha!  Really, I like to write about people.

Ta Ta!

Elsie (blog Post)


She ate, and I am thankful.  She also didn’t poop on our last walk, which was about 15  minutes.  That’s good, too, that the urgency isn’t there anymore.  She hadn’t eaten until this evening, though.  I took a very long nap, and plan on getting back to sleep soon, because we have to take Barrett to an appointment at 7am.  When I woke up she let me know she had to go, and it was just #1.  So, I’m hoping this thing is done.  Just have to see what her poop presents in the morning.  The thought of saving it and not throwing the baggie away grosses me out, to use a 70’s colloquialism.  Here’s a pic of my baby on the bed with me right now.  She won’t look at the camera because the flash scares her.

Sweet Baby Girl!