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Take a line from a song that you love or connect with. Now forget the song, and turn that line into the title or inspiration for your post.

Let him love, a man of faith

Life doesn’t turn out the way we expect it to all the time.  There are so many ways we would be more content if we didn’t judge, judge, judge.   Women, especially, tend to judge themselves and each other.

One thing I’ve been trying my whole life is to not judge everything I do, or what anyone else does.  Live & let live, as they say.

Our culture has changed dramatically since I was a little girl.  As we get older, our world gets bigger, and heaven help us if we don’t explore the larger world.  I am very grateful that I’m naturally curious.  Some might say nosy, but I truly just want to learn so much.  That is a very Sagittariun thing.  We never stop learning.  I am stimulated discussing art, culture, people, books.  Boy, the internet was a godsend for me!  Imagine, any piece of information I want is at my fingertips.  No more looking in the World Book Encyclopedia.

I read this piece in Rolling Stone called Sexting, Shame and Suicide.

It is about a 15 year old girl in Ca. who, last year, committed suicide.  She had started partying a lot and one night when she was extremely wasted three guys wrote all over her (including around her genitals) with markers.  They also fingered her.  And took pictures.   And showed the pictures to other people.

Here is the problem, which I wish people realized.  Unless one has informed consent from the other person, sex is off limits.  A minor cannot give informed consent.  A person who is drunk or high is incapable of giving informed consent.   That’s it.  It’s not a prank, which is very easy to assume.  Especially, I think, for boys.  They often don’t realize they are committing a crime when they do that.

I cringe to think what it felt like to be 15.  So self conscious.  This hits close to home.  In elementary school I was assaulted, by a group of larger, older boys.  It was just grabbing at my private areas but it was terrifying.  I felt like I asked for it.  I lived in dread every day of going to school, even getting on the bus.  It didn’t matter if it happened that day or not.  I would be afraid it was going to happen all day.   I remember once I wore a dress, Mom made me for some reason.  I never did because I was afraid one of these boys would grab at me under my dress.  I was in a fragile state, fragile.  The teacher fussed at me for something minor and I started crying.  This was 5th grade.  Because I was overreacting, the teacher made fun of me for crying, which of course made it worse.

I finally got the nerve to tell my Mom.  She went to the principal and told me the principal said I asked for it.  This was a woman who was probably afraid of these big boys herself.  I don’t know why Mom told me that.  I imagine the principal said I was precocious or something, because I was.

Anyhow nothing happened to improve it but somehow it empowered me to start saying No.  It didn’t work at first but I kept at it and their behavior toward me tapered to a little teasing now & then.  I hated those boys for a long time, but they were just kids.

And in my 20’s I was raped while I was asleep.  I had been drinking and I totally blamed myself.  I was at this “friend’s” apartment, sleeping in his bed.  When I realized what happened the next day, I was embarrassed & ashamed.  I felt like it was my fault because of my poor decisions.  It took me a long time to realize that was rape.

So there you go.  The one line of a song led to this confessional.  I hope it wasn’t offensive to anyone.  You just never know where the mind is going to take you.

How about a photo for this post….

My niece striking a pose.  Isn’t she adorable?

Image

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What a month it has been!  Virginia has had lots of snow, snow we don’t usually get.  It’s quite beautiful.  I’m not even sick of it, except I have a stress fracture on my foot & there’s a huge snow pile by the dog poo station near my apartment.  Also, it’s a little dicy when the temperature drops below freezing.  I’m so afraid of falling again.  I’m walking very carefully.  Elsie was attacked again last week, and I couldn’t do anything because of this blasted boot I’m wearing.  However, the boot has helped matters immensely.  I’m not longer in pain & having to ice my foot on a daily basis, which I was experiencing before the stress fracture diagnosis. 

Tim is better, he’s on oral antibiotics.  I had to give him at home IV’s and it wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be.  It’s better than cleaning out & re-filling the void with gauze on MRSA tissue that has been removed.  It’s not as painful for Tim.  The oral antibiotic is making him intermittently extremely nauseous.

We did get out of Dodge for Valentine’s Day and went to a Dance & stayed the night for Valentine’s last Saturday.  What a blessing that was!  I also got to see some of my high school friend’s Friday night.  Tim drove me, because I’m not driving w/ my “club foot” and some other friends took me home.  We’ve also had friends bring us food, which is soooo kind and appreciated.

I read Vanished.  It was a bit boring.  I usually enjoy Carlton Smith (true crime writer) more.  I am now reading the fascinating The Heart is a Lonely Hunter by Carson McCullers.  It is stellar.  Unbelievable to me that she was only 23 when she wrote it.  What a talent! 

I’ve also been trying to keep up with emails and all the kind friends and family who have inquired about our health.  We are much better.  Barrett is better.  He was very anxious about all of our health issues.  I’m thankful for several things.

1. We got most of our things moved, and 4 pods emptied before the snow, sickness, injury (well, I had the injury & didn’t know it.  Perhaps that is why I fell twice the day we moved!)

2.  I finished all of the year-end duties at work before all of the above late January/Feb. events that kept reminding us to SLOW DOWN. –  I  believe that is the message.

So, I’m baaaaacccckkkk!!  Hope to be writing more, and poetry would be lovely.  Muse?  Please show yourself!

Family

2010/01/11

Okay, so my Dad has osteoarthritis.  He’s had his knees replaced, a shoulder, a wrist.  His hips hurt him horribly (alliteration unintended, but noted), and now he has this awful pain in his neck which is affecting his ability to hold things with his hands.  His doctor ordered an MRI which he got 29 Dec.  Went back today and it is showing a nerve problem.  He has to get a test w/ die, then see a pain management doc (he’s already on meds for his hips & shoulder), then see a neurosurgeon who will decide if he needs surgery.  I don’t like the sound of it at all.  I’m sending all kinds of light & positive energy his way, and Mom’s too.  It’s a lot for them to be dealing with.

Andy is taking a winter course during winter break at his school on Zombies in literature.  He’s really liking it.

Barrett completed his science project and is on the upswing.

Tim continues to do consulting work part time.

I have not written much lately, and I miss it so much.  If things have calmed down, I’d like to take a class at the museum called the Shadow or something.  It’s kind of looking into one’s dark side.  I think some of the folks from my Creative Spark class are taking it which would make it all the better!  I’m going to see how Barrett feels about me taking it.

I need something that I can escape with in terms of reading.  I’ll finish Mrs. Dalloway.  I’m really enjoying it, and I’d like to read more Virginia Woolf.  However, I want a quick read.  Oh, I might have some true crime lying about somewhere that I haven’t read yet.  A dose of true crime would probably be just the panacea for my feeling of creative doldrums.

It may snow tonight!  I hope it does.  I will still go to work, though, because I have a lot to do with year end.  Probably should have gone in today but, like Sat & yesterday, wasn’t feeling 100%.  Feel much better now, though.

I was vacuuming my bathroom, then pulled my air cleaner apart to vacuum the filter and it tripped the breaker for the whole room & bathroom.  The bag was full, although it hadn’t notified me.  The vc kept tripping the breaker on that particular socket, so perhaps something is wrong with it. 

Spent 2 hours trying to get my phone straight for the move.  I really find the process unbelievably more complicated than in the past.  As with everything else, there are too many choices, especially too many for them to charge you for!

Okay, well, there we are.  A mundane post for a mundane frame of mind.  Will improve, I’m sure.

Poetry so lovely.

2009/12/31

I recommend your visiting this beautiful blog.  Linda has such a way with words.  Both the poetry and prose are lovely.

So what shall I do with this last day of the year?  I feel like I need to do housework.  I’m very hungry.  Will eat breakfast soon.  I’m going to make that cup of coffee I’ve been wanting since I woke up.  Went over to the coffee shop with Elsie but they were ‘closed for repairs’.   Hmmm….

I just remembered a sad New Year’s a few years ago.  My friend with whom I’d grown up was visiting her Dad in our little rural hometown.  Her daughter’s birthday was New Year’s Day and she invited us to come over & celebrate with her.  I brought my nephew, because he was closer in age, but I’m pretty sure Andy & Barrett came too.  I was pretty close to her Dad.  I’d worked for his company for 13 years, plus grew up spending a lot of time at their old mill house.  He was in the last stages of a 6-7 year battle with melanoma.  He’d fought so hard for life.  This was after been told he had about 6-7 months.  One of the awful symptoms of this cancer was severe swelling and he had this horrible swelling in his face at his chin, like a huge appendage on his chin.  It was sad.  He loved life, and he loved people.  He was a Taurus, a passionate man.  He wasn’t perfect, as none of us are, but I cared for him deeply. 

Your love of life

was contagious.

You were patriotic,

passionate, musical,

intelligent, stubborn.

You lived life to the fullest.

Your robust sense of humor,

your ceaseless volunteer work.

You were a good man, Big Hugh.

Thank you for visiting me in my dreams.

I knew it was real because you had

those old overalls on.

You taught me a lot about business,

and how to treat clients.

Your work ethic was pristine.

You were a faithful man.

I miss you, and I’m 

thankful, that you were

part of my life.

I shall write more later.  I’m hungry and need some caffeine.  Au revoir pour l’instant!

Thanksgiving

2009/11/25

Today is a good day.  I have felt grateful all day.  For my Creative Spark writing class we are supposed to be keeping a dream journal.  I write my dreams down a lot anyhow, on scraps of paper or notepad around my bed.  The last couple of times I woke up and wanted to write it down I was too lady to find somethihg to write on.  However, I was inspired to write 2 poems while I was showering that day.  I had woken up with this “full of feeling” feeling and the words seemed to rain down on me as I showered so I wrote them quickly.  I shared them on here.

Today I couldn’t remember much of the dreams but poetry came to me in that little place between asleep and awake.  I quickly found something to write on, and nice tablet/spiral at the top full size notebook so I wrote poetry and journaled.  I must say that is an invigorating way to begin the day!  Then some Led Zeppelin II on the short trip to work..”Rock and Roll”, loudly, and I was Miss Productive!

Afterward went out to Mom’s and just about everyone was there.  Saw all of my nieces and nephews on that side for awhile.  Didn’t stay too long because I still have a nasty cough and asthma.  I came home and lay down awhile.  Then I finished making the pie (well, almost) that I’m making for tomorrow.

I’m happy to be home with Tim, Barrett, Andy and Elsie.  Andy came home last night.  I’d forgotten about “No Shave November”.  This year is the 2nd year of this lovely practice.  Here is my little college boy-(not so little, not a boy, I’m sure he’d say)

Well, Facebook isn’t cooperating right now, so I can’t send the pic over here.  Suffice it to say:  He’s hairy.

I am thankful for my family, friends-old and new, writing, the rain, the sun, my gas efficient car, Elsie (my shadow who loves me so unconditionally), someone not drinking today, the health of my family, good books to read.

Must get a shower! 

Brilliant hues of orange, purple and blue filled the eastern sky this morning.  It was the sun just before it rose.  There were some stratus clouds, but they seemed to spread the colors across the entire horizon in my line of vision.  Directly above the treeline the sky was on fire!  And about 35 degrees above the horizon I could spot Venus through the clouds. 

I had a coughing/asthma fit last night around 3 am, which made getting up difficult this morning.  I walked Elsie, got B up and Tim took care of the rest.  I went back to bed.   I still feel a little lousy, and I guess it’s time for the inhaler again.  Thankfully, Tim had coffee for me when I woke up!

I just read there was a mistrial in the Travolta extortion case in the Bahamas.  To me, it is beyond sad for this family to have to go through this again.   I can’t imagine losing a child.  The circumstances just add to the trauma.

I was reading a book about the murder of Yale student Bonnie Garland back in the 70’s and I have finally decided to give it up.  I read about 1/2 of it, but it is clinical, redundant and boring.  I shall start another book very soon.  It feels uncomfortable when I don’t have something to read.