Redbone by Ron Stodgill

I finished reading Redbone-Money, Malice and Murder in Atlanta by Rod Stodgill.  I didn’t want it to end.  I ended up liking it a lot, because it opened a little window in to African American life in Atlanta, and the history of African Americans there.  The victim, perpetrator and author are all African American, and I realized how little white people (including me) read about things that happen to African Americans, by African Americans.  I would imagine something written by an African American would be more authentic to an African American.  Anyhow, I checked to see if Stodgill had written any other books and he hasn’t (as of 2007), but I’m going to investigate further.  I liked his writing.

I’m now reading Driving with Dead People by Monica Holloway.  It hooked me right away.  I like it already.  Haven’t read much because I’ve been so busy.

Reading, read….

Zelda by Nancy Mitford  It was excellent.  Many of her letters, especially to her husband, Scott, survived, and she was an excellent writer.  Even her letters as a very young woman are sophisticated.  I wonder what the true nature of her mental illness was.  Living with a drunk who steals your writing (it appears) couldn’t have helped.

Blue Nights by Joan Didion Incidentally, I love the way when you pre-order a book from Amazon you receive it on the release date.  I read a review which describes Didion’s treatment of her daughter’s premature death in this book as without emotion.  I disagree.  I found a great deal of emotion in the book.  Sure, I’d love to have known more about Quintana, the adult.  The book, however, is Didion’s memoir of her experience.  She often repeats phrases to underscore their importance, and I loved this one:  “When we talk about mortality we are talking about our children.”  How true is that?!  I loved it, and it certainly evoked emotion in me.  How she survives after such loss is anathema to anyone who hasn’t experienced it.  She’s able to express that here.  I also read The Year of Magical Thinking, the book Didion wrote after the death of her husband, John Gregory Dunne.

Inside Scientology by Janet Reitman I found it very interesting.  There’s an extensive review of L. Ron Hubbard, the founder of Scientology, and also how the religion changed over the years.  I’ve always been very curious about the current leader of Scientology, David Miscavige, and she doesn’t disappoint here.  I learned a lot about him, and how he came to this place.  Another thing I learned was that there is now a full movement of people who have left the church under Miscavige, but still believe in Scientology, and practice it on their own or something.  I knew of this ugly habit of the church, but was again disturbed by how they use the legal system to wear people down, including the IRS!  Very thorough treatment of a controversial religion.

Mommy’s Little Girl by Diane Fanning  I almost felt like I’d read it before.  It’s about the disappearance and murder of Caylee Anthony and her mother, Casey, who was acquitted of her murder.  The book ends before the trial began, but it lays out all the evidence and tells the story of Caylee, Casey and her family.  It’s very sad.

Redbone by Ron Stodghill  I haven’t finished this book.  It’s about the murder of a successful entrepreneur in Atlanta in the 1990′s.  I’ve read about half of it.  It’s okay, not particularly striking, though.

Arguably Essays by Christopher Hitchens  It is excellent!  I’m reading it now and it’s colossal.  He is the wittiest, smartest man.  His writing is magical-fluid, smart, satirical, humorous, sensible, lucid.  I’m loving it.

I bought a book called Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman.  I don’t know why!  The subject, the psychology of decision-making, is interesting to me.   After I received it, however, it appears to have more details than I care to receive.  This I infer just from reading the book jacket.   I don’t remember the events–i.e., hearing about the book, finding it, etc. that led to my purchasing the book.  Perhaps my detail oriented hubby, Tim, will read it and tell me about it.  I heard an interview with the author, who won the Nobel Prize in Economics, on NPR this week and it really does sound interesting…..

The Reason by Sally Grablick

Wow, the last time I posted anything was my last day off!  I felt like The Reason deserves its own post, because it is so helpful.

The author kindly sent me this book because I sometimes write about grief here, and she wanted me to review it.  I read it, I loved it, and I’m so excited to tell you about it.

When my husband Tim and I were married, we had these words from the poet Kahlil Gibran <http://www-personal.umich.edu/%7Ejrcole/gibran/prophet/prophet.htm> read at our wedding:

“Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.”

These words resonated with both of us. Through Tim’s grief journey, he had experienced this firsthand.  He told me of spiritual highs he experienced that were unimaginable before he lost Denise.  I was constantly reminded of this quote while I read The Reason.  Mrs. Grablick experienced the most anguishing of all losses, in the worst way imaginable.  That loss was the violent suicide of her 19 year old son Ryan, in her home.

You might think The Reason is about Ryan’s suicide. That is surprisingly not true. It is about the changes Mrs. Grablick’s endured in her life that are the result of Ryan’s suicide.  No one can avoid dealing with grief.  You can’t go around it, over it, or under it.  A person has to meet it head-on and work through their grief.

It is the most painful journey one can take.  However, if we suffer a loss, we must fully experience it in order to learn to live with it, and eventually live with it.  We never get over it; we just learn to live with it. Sally Grablick didn’t know any of this until she lost her son.

She captures perfectly the agony and confusion dealing with her loss.  She compiles a list she calls “Cliff Notes For Beginners”.  She marvels at how well our culture teaches us to deal with birth, marriage and work, and how little our culture teaches us about dealing with death.

I especially liked #12–”No Condo’s in the Valley and no giving up.  It’s all about SURVIVAL.”  She is saying although the pain of your loss takes you to the valley of the shadow of death at times, don’t take up residence there.  It really is all about surviving this loss, and sometimes a person must focus on just taking the next breath. The Reason is also helpful for people who have friends who are dealing with a loss.

I learned much of this because I entered the lives of Tim, Andy & Barrett relatively soon after they lost Denise.  They were still in the throes of heavily grieving, but Tim had gone through a very conscious grief process, and wanted to talk about it.  We are still discussing it, 14 years later!  It’s okay, though, because it moves us forward spiritually.  My experience with them has helped me a lot in dealing with others’ grief.

A natural skeptic, Mrs. Grablick talks about visiting a psychic both before and after Ryan’s death.  She also starts to realize ways Ryan is communicating with her and others.  She recounts many occasions she has communicated with Ryan since his death.  One thing I found interesting was Ryan’s spiritual growth beyond his earthly existence.  At first he doesn’t regret his suicide, but after seeing the continuing anguish of his loved ones, he comes to express regret for his suicide.

It is also interesting seeing Mrs. Grablick’s spiritual growth through this.  Like my Tim, she reaches spiritual places she couldn’t have imagined before losing her loved one.  She shows everyone many ways to take care of themselves and loved ones spiritually in The Reason.

The writing is fluid and understandable.  I get the sense at times she wants to prove she is receiving contact from Ryan.  I don’t think she needs to prove anything.  When a person suffers a loss like she did, it breaks down your entire being, your foundation.  It also literally blows your mind.  Your world automatically becomes much bigger, including spiritual latitudes that may not have seemed possible before.

Reading, read

several books.

Rising Tide: The Great Mississippi Flood of 1927 and how it changed America by John M. Barry.  I liked this book because it included a rich history of the Mississippi River and its geography, and of our history of manipulating it.  It also recounted how blacks were treated in the Delta during this time.  Folks, if you think racism ended with the Civil War, read this.  I feel like I’ve blogged about this book before but I couldn’t find it.  Anyhow, it dragged at times but it is full of interesting details, and the parallels between what happens now (Katrina, and the Mississippi River flooding this year) are sad.

Almost finished reading Zelda, an excellent biography of Zelda Sayre Fitzgerald by Nancy Milford.  It is very interesting.  Early 20th century literature and authors and artists interest me, and this book doesn’t disappoint.

I received Inside Scientology by Janet Reitman this week.  I had to immediately tear into it.  I’ve always wanted to know the full history of L. Ron Hubbard, and it is included here.  It is well documented, and seems fair.  It reveals some dirty secrets about Scientology, though.  It also familiarizes the reader with the lexicon of Scientology, which is helpful.  They use made up words, as well as existing words they’ve given a different meaning.

I read The Reason by Sally Grablick also.  I’m going to do a separate post on that because I was asked to review it, and I think it’s an important book for anyone suffering the loss of a loved one to read.

I’m still stumbling through Black Sun about Harry Crosby, by Geoffrey Wolff.  It is excellent, and of course I love the era and historical perspective.  Don’t know why it’s taking me so long to get through it, but I know I’ll finish it.

I just ordered a slew of books from Amazon so I better get reading.  Ta!

The No Celebrating Rule

in American football is racist.  This occurred to me today when I saw it enforced during a college football game.  It brought back memories of how annoyed people around me would be when I was a kid and the player celebrated after a touchdown.  I remembered it as being an annoyance with black players, specifically.  I realize the “excessive celebration” did get out of hand, and lasted too long, but I just don’t think it would ever have been an issue if all the players were white.  Certainly I can’t be positive of this, but that’s what I remember.  That’s all.

Have been busy…. and racism and respect

with work, trying to get more organized, and reading.  Had some minor surgery yesterday, and spent the week at both works trying to prepare for a few days incapacitation.  It is kind of like the week before vacay.

Here is what I had to write about:  Michelle Obama’s trip to Target this week.  I saw it mentioned a few times on line and television.  last night I read an article about it on either CNN, MSNBC or ABC News.  In the article I read she was at one point referred to as ‘Obama’.  I thought of First ladies Bush, Clinton, and Kennedy.  They were Mrs. Bush, The First Lady, Hilary or Jackie.

While accustomed to the lack of respect shown President Obama when reading about him, or watching debates, newspeople and pundits, I hadn”t seen this particular subtle and racist, YES, RACIST, snippet of disrespect toward Mrs. Obama.  It is what I have called for years institutional racism.  Unnoticed by most whites, I imagine it is noticed by blacks, and it is ingrained in whites to accept it.

Think about how the Dixie Chicks were vilifed and hated when they mildly criticized President Bush.  Yes, some of us were horrified by the thought of invading Iraq, and George Bush’s eagerness to do so.

One of my hopes for President Obama’s legacy is a greater understanding of and self awareness about racism in this country.  I have so much more to say about this, but poking along with my good hand is tiring me out.  All for now.

 

 

 

A Photo..

Here's a pic of my baby girl, Elsie.

I must be more careful

I’m busy in my job, as most of us are.  Where I work, it’s more a retirement center with assisted living, not a nursing home.  Thus, we have few patients in wheel chairs.  If they do have a wheel chair, they usually have a personal nurse.

On the rare occasion I push someone in their chair, I have to be more careful.  I run into things like door jambs, a potential problem for the resident.  Okay, just needed to remind myself because I was feeling dreadful about it.

I promise I will be careful and take my time.

More Books I’ve Read & Liked

Emmanuel Carrère The Mustache & Class Trip

Philip Weiss American Taboo: A Murder in the Peace Corp

Lawrence Schiller  Into the Mirror: the Life of Master Spy Robert P. Hanssen, Perfect Murder, Perfect Town; Cape May Courthouse, American Tragedy (some of these are collaborations with other authors.)

Vincent Bugliosi Helter Skelter, And the Sea Will Tell, Outrage: the Five Reasons OJ Simpson Got Away With Murder

David Sheff Beautiful Boy

Matt Birkbeck A Beautiful Child

Jack Olsen The Bridge at Chappaquiddick

Salinger: A Catcher in the Rye

Frank Conroy Stop Time

Tom Grimes Mentor

Wm. Faulkner As I Lay Dying

David Cullen Columbine

Nancy Schoenberger Dangerous Muse-The Life of Lady Caroline Blackwood

Joseph Wambaugh Echoes in the Darkness, Fire Lover

M. William Phelps Every Move You Make

Amanda Vaill Everyone Was So Young: Gerald & Sara Murphy: A Lost Generation Love Story

Julie Salaman Facing the Wind: A True Story of Tragedy & Reconciliation

Joe McGinniss Fatal Vision

Catherine Crier Final Analysis: The Untold Story of the Susan Polk Murder Case

Ann Rule Green River, Running Red; The Stranger Beside Me

Joyce Maynard Internal Combustion: The Story of a Marriage and a  Murder in Motor City; At Home In the World

Jon Krakauer In the Wild, Into Thin Air, Under the Banner of Heaven: A Story of Violent Faith

Mary Karr The Liars Club, Lit: A Memoir

John Berendt Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil

 

 

 

 

 

Bullying Homesexual Kids: It’s Not New

Have I ever mentioned ‘Tracy’ (name changed for privacy)?  I may have mentioned her before.  She was 15 years old, a dear friend’s younger sister.  Sadly, she was confused about her sexuality.  She was often mistaken for a boy.  Most of her interests were things that interest boys.  My friend and I were close, and one evening she was called and we had to go to the Medical College because Tracy had overdosed on caffeine pills. I went with my friend to meet her parents there. It didn’t turn out to be serious but I always condsidered the beginning of the end.

At the time I was concerned about substance abuse.  I didn’t realized what LGBT kids experience in their daily lives.  I didn’t even think about kids being gay.  It was 22 years ago, and I’m a lot more informed now, of course.  I remember in elementary school the class “sissy”.  He was teased.  I am pretty sure I teased him on occasion also, not relentlessly, but may have made fun of his affectations.  He was in an abusive relationship before he got AIDS and died.

Anyhow, after the caffeine incident Tracy started running away from home and hanging out in a more avant guard section of town.  If I were a parent living where they did I’d be concerned if my sons were going to that section of town at age 15, as I’m sure hers were.  Anyhow, my friend and I were 25, and we’d ride through the neighborhood looking for her, asking people if they’d seen her.  We’d get a lead and visit wherever the lead took us.  It was a little scary, and we did this 2 or 3 times.

Eventually she left home and left a suicide note.  We were so worried.  We couldn’t find her.  After a few days we heard on the news a young female body had been found behind a dumpster, shot.  Tracy had taken her Dad’s handgun and shot herself with it and died.  Oh, if I’d known then what I know now I could have helped her.  All we could do was let her hang out and try to do positive things with her.  She was so cute.  I remember her with her skateboard.

It was a hellish time.  The horror of her death, how she did it, how alone she was.  My friend’s anguish.  She was suddenly a 25 year old only child.  I didn’t know until later she was struggling with her sexuality.  I do remember her being yelled at from a car that she was a faggot or something equally ugly.  I witnessed that, and I wasn’t around her that much.  I’ve no idea what school was like for her.

Tracy is probably the reason I’m an advocate for LGBT rights and support.  That, and the fact so many people I know are gay.  Some are older relatives who were shunned by the family over the years.  Some of my kids’ friends.

If you read this and need support on this issue I know of resources and support for young gay people.  Feel free to contact me.

I guess that’s all.